Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
