and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
