fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
