i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
