i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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