I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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