Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
