I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
