Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
