Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
