U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize