it wasn't lemon gatorade
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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