Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize