he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
