Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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