remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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