I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
