You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
