FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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