how can u be prego again
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
