So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
