My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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