Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
