everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
