I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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