How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
