i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize