Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize