By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
