can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize