I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize