You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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