If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
