You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
