Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
