Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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