Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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