You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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