Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
