remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
