Can i not drive my cunt home
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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