Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
