Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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