we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
