Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
