a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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