Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dear god my vagina.
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