Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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