so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found a bag of teeth...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
