I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
