It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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