my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
