My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dignity is for republicans.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
