did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
