adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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