Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
