My nipple is on Facebook.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
