If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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