If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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