Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Houston, we have a squirter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
