Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize