You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize