Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
