The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
