i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
