We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
