ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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