i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
