How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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