Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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