your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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