i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i think i just lost a toe
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
