I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
