would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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