Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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