i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mom said you looked used
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
