Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
