You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
