Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i drank out of a bidet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
