eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
