you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
