You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
