Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
