I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
