I accidentally burped into my bong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
