the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
