i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
