I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
