yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
